Fairly Messed up Fairy Tales
by hotpinkflamingo
Summary: Fairy tales rold my way which means theyre all parody! Review and pick which fairy tale u want done!
1. Billy Goats Ruff and the Innocent Troll

Disclaimer: I don't own the three billy goats gruff, just the perspective  
  
Note: This is my first fan fiction. Please b nice  
  
The Three Billy Goats Ruff and the Innocent Troll  
  
Once upon a time there was a poor troll who had just got evicted from his house. He traveled many days and nights and eventually ended up at a run down bridge. He decided to fix it up. He worked all day and worked all night. After a week, he stood in front of the bridge and was happy.  
  
"This is one marvelous bridge! Why I would pay to cross a bridge as pretty as you. Fa la la la la," sang the happy troll.  
  
But little did the poor troll know was that he had spent all his money on the bridge.  
  
"Now I think I will celebrate with a feast! Now where is that bag of money? Did I spend it all?" asked the troll.  
  
Well of course you did! I already said that.  
  
"Really? I must get my hearing checked, but that doesn't solve and problems. What will I do to get money for food?" Asked the desperate troll.  
  
You could take your own advice and charge...  
  
"I know! I can charge a toll for anyone who wants to cross the bridge. Once I explain my situation, I'm sure no one would mind party with a couple of bucks to buy me some food," exclaimed the troll.  
  
Uh... sure. Meantime in the meadow conveniently located in front of the bridge, a group of goats held a meeting.  
  
"Look at all that grass on the other side on the river," said the smallest billy goat named Gruff  
  
"And look at the conveniently placed bridge!" Cried the medium sized billy goat named Gruff  
  
"Why I think we should cross that conveniently placed bridge and onto that almost identical patch of grass," cried out the largest billy goat named Gruff.  
  
"And we should each cross at a different time, starting with me," stated the smallest billy goat.  
  
"Why should you go first?" demanded the medium sized billy goat.  
  
"Because I'm the smallest and need the most nourishment," said the smallest billy goat.  
  
"So?" said the largest billy goat.  
  
"And I can say Jambalaya," proclaimed the smallest goat.  
  
"Good point," the other two agreed.  
  
"And I shall go second," said the medium sized billy goat  
  
"Why should you go second?" Demanded the largest billy goat.  
  
"Because 3 is your lucky number," said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Good Point," said the recently enlightened largest billy goat gruff.  
  
As you can see, the 3 billy goats, whose names are all Gruff, are not the smartest goats on the block but they can be tricky when they put there mind to it.  
  
"Be quite up there! We're conspiring!" Yelled the largest billy goat.  
  
Sorry. And so the smallest billy goat went up to the bridge.  
  
The smallest billy goat started across the bridge. Trip. Trap. Trip. Trap. Trip. Trap. Trip. Trap.  
  
The troll heard the patter of hooves and went to investigate.  
  
"Actually I heard you say some thing about the clatter," the troll pointed out.  
  
Well then, the troll heard the narrator mention a clatter and went to investigate.  
  
"Who is that clattering upon my wonderful bridge?" demanded the troll.  
  
"It is I the smallest billy goat named Gruff."  
  
"I'm sorry to say I must take a tax from you. I have no food because I spent it all on the bridge."  
  
"Well of course you'll get the toll. My brother who is coming next has an even bigger wallet. He will give twice the amount you would get from me!"  
  
"Well all right as long as I have food I don't care."  
  
So the smallest billy goat trip-trapped his way across the bridge. The 2nd billy goat named Gruff started across the bridge.  
  
The medium sized billy goat named Gruff started to cross the bridge. Trip. Trap. Trip. Trap. Trip. Trap.  
  
The troll heard the patter of hooves and went to investigate.  
  
"Actually I still can't hear them, but thanks again for the tip," said the grateful troll.  
  
The Narrator told the troll that he heard the patter of hooves and should go to investigate.  
  
"Thanks. Now who is that clattering on my bridge?" the troll asked.  
  
"I am the billy goat called Gruff," said the medium sized goat.  
  
"I'm sorry to say I must take a tax from you. I have no food because I spent it all on the bridge."  
  
"Well of course you'll get your toll. My brother is coming and he will pay 4 times as much as I could."  
  
"Well all right as long as I have food I don't care."  
  
So the billy goat trip-traped his way across the bridge. Then the largest billy goat called Gruff started across the bridge.  
  
The largest goat stamped stomped his way across the bridge  
  
The troll heard the stomping and went to investigate...did you hear me?  
  
"Actually I heard the hooves. They were quite loud. I think I'll go investigate. Now who is that stomping on my beautiful bridge?" demanded the troll.  
  
"It is I, the billy goat named Gruff," said the largest billy goat.  
  
"Your brothers promised me 4 times the amount of toll owed to me. My stomach can't take it any more."  
  
"Well I don't have the money."  
  
"Then I'm afraid you can't cross on this bridge then."  
  
"Well yes I will."  
  
The largest billy goat named Gruff charged at the troll and knocked him into the river. The troll floated away, never to see his beloved bridge again. The 3 billy goats named Gruff ate and ate and ate. By the time they were done eating, they little hooves barely reached the ground. They spent the rest of the week in pain and misery from their indigestion.  
  
The end!  
  
Author Note: How did you like it please review! I was thinking of making fun of a fairy tale this way to. Thanks for reviewing! 


	2. The Boy Who Cried Pickled Antelope

THE BOY WHO CRIED PICKLED ANTELOPE  
  
Disclaimer: The Boy Who Cried Wolf was written by Aesop!  
  
Author Note: Hey this really isn't a fairy tale but this is too much fun to miss! When you review you can suggest which fairy tales you want to see. As always REVIEW!  
  
To my awesome reviewers:  
  
Tri-lon: My first reviewer! Yes I do wish the troll could get revenge.  
  
Miskumi: No fairy tale yet but a parable is almost like that. Anyway thanks!  
  
Dickensismyhomeboy: You are obsessed lol. Luv u still! Thanks 4 reviewing even  
though I threatened you! Love the name to!  
  
Aria327: You haven't! It's a classic. Love your story seeing as I your "manager".  
  
Sunnysweetie: Glad you liked it! I reviewed yours!  
  
Anita Lawn: Thank you very much. Liked your choice of words.  
  
Tru Lys: Aww thanks! I loved your poem. My aspect of thinking!  
  
Hellish: Thank you for returning the favor! No one likes those mean old goats!  
  
Alexathenle: Thank you for reviewing. I love your story!  
  
If you didn't see your name then you should review!  
  
The Boy Who Cried Pickled Antelope  
  
Once there was a young boy name Bartholomew who put pickle labels on  
  
pickle jars at the Pickle Place on top of a hill. Now you might think that this is  
  
harmless job. Wrong! There is an animal so hungry for pickle jars, nothing gets in  
  
the way. The only way to stop it was to hit it with a carrot 5 times and say "  
  
Snorkblatt." This hideous creature was called a Pickled Antelope.  
  
Well as you can imagine this job is not at all interesting. Bartholomew was  
  
an easily amused kid. He thought, "Gee, wouldn't it be funny to cry Pickled  
  
Antelope?"  
  
Author note: In case you don't know (which I'm sure you don't), every time  
  
someone cries "pickled antelope" you are to grab your carrots and start running,  
  
preferably to help. Now back to the story.  
  
Lo and behold he did and like said in the blurb above people grabbed  
  
they're carrots and came running. When they came to the boy and asked where  
  
the creature was, he just laughed and said, "I don't know. I was hungry and it  
  
was funny. Now give me those carrots!"  
  
"Yeah it was pretty f-," started the pheasant plucker then the butcher  
  
knocked him in the head with a rather large carrot. The villagers were very mad  
  
to had brought perfectly good carrots. They refused to give Bartholomew the  
  
carrots.  
  
"Well I don't like carrots without ranch dip anyway and you got a free  
  
Hillmaster Workout," he yelled to the mob of retreating villagers. He thought to  
  
himself, "Gee that was fun. I think I'll do it again and see if anything different  
  
happens."  
  
To make a long story short, it turned out exactly as before.  
  
Bartholomew thought his day had been a good one indeed. Then  
  
suddenly he heard a patter of hooves and a snort. He turned around to face a  
  
fluffy bunny.  
  
"That was a close one...wait! Bunnies don't patter and rustle! Those are  
  
ominous animal noises. I can hear the rise in dramatic music! That must mean,"  
  
Bartholomew turned back to his pickle jars. There was the Pickled Antelope  
  
eating those pickles."  
  
"Pickled antelope! Pickled Antelope!" All the villagers heard him but  
  
decided not to come because they're legs hurt too much and E! True Hollywood  
  
Story: J.K. Rowling was on.  
The Pickled Antelope ate all the pickles. Bartholomew couldn't do a thing  
  
to stop him because he had eaten the carrots for lunch. The Pickled Antelope  
  
looked at him at said, "Don't you feel stupid."  
"Yes."  
  
"That's good. Pain and misery is a very good desert." After this the Pickled  
  
Antelope trotted away.  
  
Bartholomew came back to the village empty handed. He met an old man  
  
on the street and asked, "Why didn't you come help me."  
  
"Why, I didn't hear you. You really should get a megaphone."  
  
Moral is that megaphones are handy and fun, old men shouldn't be asked about hearing things, never eat carrots while being a pickle labeler, and always believe the music.  
  
Author Note: So what do you think? I know its short and it probably has errors but I will fix those. Review about this story and what fairy tale you want to do next. Your author, The Flamingo Who Is Pink 


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